April 2 is World Autism Awareness Day, and April is Autism Acceptance Month. Learn more about how you can participate here.
This post was originally published on April 2, 2022 and updated on April 2, 2024.
___________________________
Our culture is obsessed with independence.
Toddlers grumble, “I don’t need your help!” while clearly needing their parents’ help. The unlicensed teenager is embarrassed to be driven to school by their mom. The young CEO scoffs at the thought of delegating tasks that he or she can do alone.
From a young age, we all begin to crave independence. The more independent you are, the more successful you seem. Asking for help is often seen as a sign of weakness, laziness, or even deficiency. But is that really true?
Unpacking Independence
We can describe independence as being free from outside control or not needing someone to complete a task. This, by itself, is a good skill that we should all seek to cultivate.
However, whenever we idolize independence to the point that all dependence is seen as a bad thing, we have stepped too far—even into unbiblical territory.
We were never meant to do life or fulfill our lives’ purposes on our own. In fact, we were actually created to be dependent. Contrary to popular belief, dependency is not a result of the fall. We know this because even before sin entered the world, God declared that “it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). Humans needed helpers before they ever sinned.
Special Needs and the Goodness of Dependence
This is my seventh year in special education. Every year I teach, I learn something new about the beauty and wisdom of God’s design through those with special needs. My students are great teachers!
Recent years have taught me much about the goodness of dependence. I’ve noticed that many of the same principles that help my students in the classroom also help all believers in our walks with Christ. Below are three principles for healthy dependence that bring blessing in both contexts.
Principle #1: Ask for Help
Special education teachers continually reinforce the goodness and importance of asking for help. Student needs are real, constant, and always changing. While we can’t expect students to know how to do everything, we can teach them how to react when they don’t. Come to me. Tell me what you need. Remember, I’m here to help. These are all phrases we use to remind students that we care for them and that there is no shame in needing assistance.
Teachers love to serve their kids. We are not aggravated when students ask for help; we are actually excited when they use their resources!
Our joy stems from two places. First, we remember our students’ frame (i.e., children who have special limitations), so we are never caught off guard when they need our assistance (cf. Ps. 103:14). Second, as teachers, we have the power to help, so we are eager to do so! Because we love our students—and because we have the ability to help them—it brings us joy when they come to us for aid (cf. Ps. 50:15).
Principle #2: Lean Into Structure
Special education students are highly dependent on structure: clear directions, familiar environments, predictable schedules, and so forth.
Structure helps students manage expectations and remember how to act in different contexts. These systems are not meant to hold students back or make their actions robotic, but give them pathways to thrive.
Without exception, it is within the context of structure that I’ve seen creativity flow, emotions regulated, and communication flourish. When students embrace their dependency on structure, it does not diminish their quality of life; it noticeably enriches it (cf. Ps. 19:7-11; John 10:10).
Principle #3: Remember the Reward
I’ve learned through the years that there’s an important distinction between a bribe and a reward. Bribing is giving someone an incentive for an action that primarily (and perhaps exclusively) benefits the briber. Rewarding is giving someone an incentive for an action that may or may not benefit the giver, but always benefits the recipient.
The tasks we give in the classroom are designed to give students a more productive and fulfilling life. When a student completes her math assignment or practices reading, this benefits her. However, my students—like all children—don’t always understand why these tasks are good for them (or how it will benefit them for years to come). What often motivates them is not the task itself, but the reward they get when the task is completed.
As teachers, we are not disappointed when students follow instructions to gain a reward. In fact, we frequently encourage students with statements like, “Remember what you’re working for” or “First math, then free choice.”
Not only are we happy to reward students once they complete their tasks, but we actually encourage them to use these rewards as motivations (cf. Matt. 6:1-4; Gal. 6:9; Col. 3:23-24; Heb. 11:6; Heb. 11:24-26). Whenever they do so, they demonstrate faith that we (teachers) will provide what we promised. This benefits the students and honors the teachers.
Christ: The Ultimate Model of Dependence
The ultimate reason why dependence in the classroom is so beautiful is that it mirrors Christ’s dependence.
Even though Jesus was perfect, he still made a habit of asking for help from God and those around him (Mark 3:13-19; Luke 5:16). He used structure toknow God’s Word, spend time with God, and be around God’s people (Luke 4:16). And through it all he remembered the reward that he would receive (and share with all who believed in him) once his task was completed (Heb. 12:2).
Those with special needs have much to teach us, and they are not the only ones who benefit from dependence. Jesus himself thrived not by avoiding dependence, but by embracing it—and he calls us to do the same.
___________________________________________________________
Joni and Friends is a ministry committed to bringing the Gospel and practical resources to people impacted by disability around the globe. Learn more about how to support this ministry here.
Learn more about autism and special needs here.
Read “How (Not) To Pray With A Hurting Loved One” here.
Read “4 Burdens Jesus Never Asked You to Carry” here.
Watch “3 Reasons For Hope in Times of Darkness” here.
Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you—leave a reply in the box below!
Leave a Reply