Fully Known, Fully Loved

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Note: This article was also published on The Gospel Coalition and recommended by Tim Challies, J. Warner Wallace, and John Beeson.

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For the past three-plus years—with deep and often painful longings—I’ve pleaded with God to grant one particular request. My request seems consistent with God’s revealed will. I’ve fasted, practiced solitude, repented regularly, recruited prayer warriors, and approached God with genuine faith, humility (as far as I can tell), and no shortage of tears.

He’s provided one consistent answer: “No.”

In God’s kindness, he has used my countless hours in prayer to reveal himself to me and increase my love for him. But I can’t help but ask, “Why, God? Why would you say no to a good thing?”

5 Answers to Why God Says No

Many have felt a similar tension. We understand why God would reject requests contrary to his revealed will (e.g., for provisions to rob a bank successfully) or purely materialistic requests (e.g., to win the lottery). But why would God say no to something good—seemingly consistent with his desires?

Why would God say no to prayers for a loved one’s salvation, sanctification, or healing? For a stable job? For reconciliation in a broken relationship? For a godly spouse?

Below are five responses I’ve found useful in my season of waiting.

1. I don’t know.

Isaiah 55:8–9 says, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

This passage has been vital in my waiting. In response to our why questions, God’s words aren’t a cosmic trump card (“Because I said so!”) but rather an invitation to trust him and remember it’s OK (and normal) for us not to know the reasons for everything God allows. God’s words free us to be human.

Much pain and fatigue come from perpetually clawing to know the unknowable or solve the unsolvable. God wants to liberate us from these tireless endeavors and remind us our hope depends not on our ability to understand but on his love and trustworthiness. The fact that you don’t know why God allowed a particular hardship doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means you’re not God.

2. God never does nothing in response to prayer.

John Piper helped me see this precious truth, using Genesis 17 as an example. When Abraham asked God to make Ishmael the son of promise, God explicitly said no—Isaac would have this honor (v. 19). But then God adds, “As for Ishmael, I have heard you; behold, I have blessed him and will make him fruitful and multiply him greatly” (v. 20, emphasis added).

God said “no” to Abraham’s particular request but blessed his prayer nonetheless. In God’s economy, no prayer is unproductive, no tear forgotten (Pss. 56:8; 126:5). Even when God says no to specific requests, we can rest knowing he’ll use every prayer to bring blessing.

3. God will transform you through your prayers, regardless of how he answers your requests.

Prayer—like reading God’s Word—is similar to eating a healthy meal. Sometimes you’ll feel an immediate sense of refreshment after you eat; sometimes you won’t. Sometimes the meal will be pleasurable; sometimes it won’t. Sometimes you’ll remember the meal; sometimes you won’t. Yet every healthy meal nourishes and strengthens your body, regardless of whether or not you immediately perceive its benefit.

So, too, every prayer nourishes and strengthens our souls—building our spiritual muscles and pleasing Christ—regardless of how we feel while praying or whether God says yes to our request. Often, the greatest spiritual growth happens when we feel weakest and God perpetually says no (see 2 Cor. 12:7–10). We should never measure the effectiveness of our prayers purely on how we feel while praying or what we see after praying.

4. You have a Savior walking with you who knows the sting of ‘no.’

Jesus is supremely familiar with “no.” He’s had loved ones die (Matt. 14:10–13; John 11), reject the gospel (Mark 10:21–22), and betray and abandon him when he needed them most (14:50). He’s wept over suffering (John 11:33–37) and countless people rejecting him and his salvation (Isa. 53:3; Luke 19:41–44). He’s felt the sting of God allowing many things contrary to his heart’s longings (Isa. 53:3).

Jesus faced the biggest “no” a human has ever faced in the garden of Gethsemane. While anticipating the unfathomable agony of his imminent crucifixion and atonement, Jesus prayed, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will” (Matt. 26:39). In full submission to the Father, Jesus expressed his natural human longing to avoid profound suffering if another way was available. God, in one sense, said no.

Jesus’s submission made our salvation possible and led to a greater glory than anyone has ever seen (Phil. 2:5–11). When God says no, it’ll always lead to greater eternal joy than if he said yes.

When our faith feels weak—and it feels like God’s “no” is a sign of his inactivity or indifference—we must look back to the cross. Because Jesus lovingly and victoriously walked into the greatest “no” for us, we can face every “no” in our lives with hope.

5. God will ultimately give the perfect ‘yes’ to every request of his children.

Among Jesus’s hardest teachings to understand are sentiments like John 15:7: “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” Many other verses indicate we’ll receive whatever we ask for in prayer (e.g., Matt. 21:22; Mark 11:24; John 14:13–14; 15:16; 1 John 5:14–15).

How are we to understand these verses when we feel like God isn’t granting our requests?

I believe part of Jesus’s promise is that God will ultimately grant every one of his children’s requests with a perfect “yes”—either in this life or in the new heavens and new earth. The writer of Hebrews notes many believers died without the “yes” they longed for, but they didn’t despair because they knew their “yes” was still to come (Heb. 11:13–16).

Our prayer requests won’t die when we die; they’ll continue to find their “Yes” and “Amen” in Christ throughout eternity (cf. Ps. 16:11; 2 Cor. 1:20). God remembers every prayer you’ve ever prayed, and he’ll answer each in his timing.

Ultimately, God only says yes to his children. If he doesn’t answer in the way you imagined, rejoice knowing he’ll answer yes in a way better than you imagined. So, dear friend, let’s keep praying—knowing that whatever we ask, our Father will give us.

Subscribe to receive free articles and sermons to your inbox (usually 1-3 per month). Grateful for your ongoing support! ~Blake

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Blake Glosson (MDiv, Reformed Theological Seminary) is a pastoral resident at Chapelstreet Church in Geneva, Illinois. He has been published and/or republished or referred by:

• The Gospel Coalition
• Life Bible
• Crosswalk
• Eternal Perspective Ministries (Randy Alcorn)
• Challies.com/Tim Challies (here and here)
• DashHouse (Darryl Dash)
• Moody Radio (here, here, and here)
• The JOY FM (here and here)
• ChurchLeaders.com
• Monergism.com
• The Aquila Report (here and here)

Previously, Blake served as the director of young adults at New Covenant Bible Church in St. Charles, Illinois.

Read “How to Find Freedom From Shame” here.

Read or watch “How to Find True Peace” here.

Read “A Word for the New Year” here.

Feel free to drop a comment below with thoughts or questions!